I wrote this exactly 1 year ago, 1 day ago from today (January 18, 2020). It was a hard place to be in, but in retrospect, I am proud of myself for how far I have come.
For some background context, I also wrote this after watching the finale of The Good Place (highly recommend the TV show!). And ironically, this was before the pandemic occurred; there are a few lines that actually relate to some mental struggles you may currently face under quarantine.
Though I am a completely different person now, never have I lost long-term sight of the goodness in all experiences. Hope you enjoy this poem. <3
It is 12 AM with the realization that the planet has just made a full 365 degree turn,
oddly mirroring the current position of my existence.
Nothing exists, yet it does not.
There is no such thing as "nothing."
Something cannot be made out of nothing, yet it can.
Unprecedented experiences occur simply when one is undergoing something new in their narrative.
But newness should not be feared, for it is fear that creates rooted ruts of doubt and inaction.
I was always surrounded by sharp tensions and deceiving longing,
And now I am alone, without the loneliness - the perfect transition to get to know myself better.
How crazy to think that there could be 800 different versions of ourselves,
and we don't even know it.
Do coincidences of coincidences really make sense?
It is only I who can make meaning out of chance.
How fascinating it is that the timing of things can perfectly fall into place, so that I can fall into the place where I perfectly should be.
My imperfections do not make me inadequate; I am enough, despite all the tainted parts of my half-filled, half-empty cup.
Perhaps the strongest guide that is teaching me to feel okay even when things do not make any sense, is synchronicity.
Though it is what lies within the eye of the beholder,
synchronicity at its finest
propels me to feel fine with where I am,