Good to See You, Great to Leave You

A strange sense of sadness seeps in and sinks into my streams of reality.

Streams water my seeds of thoughts,

on growing apart from one who touched your soul in an unprecedented, special way.

As I became caught in the soil, my sprouts whispered the harsh truth:

The laughs that you had once shared together turned into silence, jokes that were once said dissipated to thin air like disappearing clouds, the chats that sparked a comforting fire in your core have now dimmed into dull flames.

As my heart was breaking, my vision unknowingly became clearer:

the more I grew, the farther I grew apart.

And the more I grew apart, the more I fell apart.

The more I fell apart, the more I tried to pick up,

To pick up all the scattered pieces of my cracks in my heart,

But the more I tried to assemble them, the more different its shape turned out to be.

While my shape felt like my safety and freedom of authentic integrity,

yours felt like comforting safety of hindering stagnance.

With my heart recovering and transforming into its ineffable, stronger state,

I could have no longer stayed

in a connection that brought me dismay.

The more I tried to force that connection, the more I became in competition with my authenticity.

And then once I lost it, I lost myself, amidst disorientation from chaos and tension.

As I felt the ground and my vision slowly became clearer, the connection left the trajectory of my desired future,

and projected onto a different pathway.

My sprouted seeds are now skyscrapers

as they have skyrocketed, despite the sorrow.

Or perhaps it was the sorrow from you that skyrocketed my seeds.

One truth remains true and continues to grow:

Even though we are now spewing to different treks towards different destinations,

I’m still grateful we crossed paths,

for you pointed out the bittersweet sign

that led me here today:

Good to See You, Great to Leave You.

---

This poem was inspired by the idea that sometimes, people are only meant to be in your life at a certain period or stage at that moment. It is a contemplative piece about approaching acceptance and release with the things that are not in your control.

Sometimes, people are not meant to stay with you, and there are a myriad of ways to answer why that is so. Maybe they were your wrong compass, or maybe your growth did not align with their pathway of growth. Regardless of all the possible reasons, this remains true: when you advocate for your own self, you become your best relationship.

And at the end of the day, long-lasting, sustainable connections are ones where you feel that you are not in competition with your authenticity.

To the reader reading this: thank you for reading and supporting me! Feel free to explore the rest of my other posts on here!! Some life updates if you’re interested that I think may be helpful to address on this platform:

• Something cool I have been trying out this year learning how to skateboard, and it really brought to light how you are both your own best friend and your own worst enemy. Are you going to encourage yourself to choose fun, or are you going to limit your potential by choosing fear?

• During this particular quarter, I am taking 20 units. Why is that? Well, my trajectory for graduation is now earlier than I had expected due to unprecedented changes… so instead of taking an extra quarter where I really only need one more required class, I am doing a little more than I expected at the moment to save money and time. So in the case I am not as active on here, you know why (but it won't be like this permanently!).

• Lastly, some exciting news: please catch me at my university's MENTAL HEALTH INITIATIVE CONFERENCE this weekend, January 22 and 23! I will be speaking as a student panelist on January 22, from 11:05 AM to 12:30 PM! This conference acted as a wake-up call and personal reality check to switch my major towards my true passions for mental health last year, so it would truly mean a lot if you may come and support me. Registration is linked right here!

That's all for now, and as always, sending much love to all always!

- Kat <3

IG: @plantifullylivin

@katrinazara