The Day of Love, or a Day of Attention?
I extremely love LOVE, but I do not really love Valentine’s Day.
Why must there be a day fully devoted to love, when we should simply spread and celebrate our love every single day?
A day committed to a commemoration of the love we provide for others is surely sweet and flattering.
But the depth of genuine commitment that lasts long-term, goes beyond flattery.
Valentine’s Day can be entertaining as my fun excuse to eat some more chocolate, or further bake vegan treats for my loved ones. And it’s quite adorable to see how happy other people are in relationships of authentic love.
But its meaning falls short after that: the holiday gets tricky and messy when it becomes a fixed, superficial show of the love you have for others, instead of an emphasis on the already meaningful, unconditional love you have to give. I am fond of the bonding, but not with the acting.
As you scroll through Instagram and witness your high school friend or college peer celebrate yet another anniversary with their partner, you may wonder why and how and when you will find “the one”: someone to hug, to sleep with, to cry with, to smile with.
You contemplate your future, if it will be with or without a partner of your own.
As you ponder over the reasons of being single, you wistfully wonder when happiness will come again.
For college students and older adults alike, why does society succumb to the negatively connoted idea that to be single is to be sad, lonely, and/or incomplete?
When relationship status has become translated as our current STATE of being, Valentine’s Day is no longer romantic; it has become romanticized...
Quarantine has made me question a LOT about my preconceived ideas — especially about love and relationships. I questioned myself, and now I challenge you:
Are you giving love, or are you performing for love?
Are you paying attention to who you desire, or do you simply desire attention?
Do you really want someone, or do you just want to be wanted by someone?
Maybe we should become aware in mistaking lack (of love for ourself) as abundance (from another).
Do you quantify the depth of your loved ones based on how long you have known them?
Is your current relationship a means to an end, or a distraction to stray you away from discomfort?
What is the difference between attraction and connection?
Attraction is nice, but connection is amazing.
Valentine’s Day is mediocre, but relationships are wonderful.
Relationships make us, break us, mend us, mold us.
Destroy us as we build ourselves back up again,
And we pick ourselves back up again when pieces of our peace have disassembled into a muddled puzzle...
it turns heartbreak into happiness
happiness into heartbreak
breaking hearts to shape hearts,
into whatever imagination wants it to be.
For those who have experienced any form of heartbreak, this is my message:
Valentine’s Day can provoke internalized comparison, which may transform into pensive and bittersweet thoughts about what once was.
But whether you are actively seeking or keeping a connection with a current partner, friend, or even yourself, one thing is CERTAIN amidst uncertainty:
Real love never causes doubt or destruction.
Real love encapsulates patience, kindness, hope, and growth. It is the collective compass to spark miracles of fulfillment, purpose, and contentment that you never once knew existed.
When we always try to show it others, we may forget ourselves in the process...
Desperate love causes despair, but being alone without the loneliness is a nuanced form of beauty.
Embrace discovery, exploration, and your inner knowing:
Self-love is the best love you can ever give yourself. You are already complete as the way you are.
You don’t need to wholeheartedly love yourself to be ready in a relationship, because we are not wholeheartedly perfect human beings to love.
You just need to be okay with yourself. Good with yourself. Somewhat solid with yourself. Because often times, that may be all we need to let others in for an easier and relaxing kind of love.
When you are okay and good and solid, you will be done. Just simply done.
Being okay and good and solid creates a lens of clarity, with what you can and cannot control.
You can get over the past, when you realize that the past is over. The past is done.
No more rumination, or fixation, or rigidity, to inhibit the natural flow of your state of being.
No matter how much pain you felt, what has happened has happened. Done and over, over and done. Instead of living in the past, thinking about the past—with your presence now—will best serve you.
In comes the refreshing, liberating freedom that was previously not in your arena of awareness.
When you are okay WITH yourself as you simply are, giving love will no longer feel like a forced performance.
When you are okay BY yourself without the overwhelming internal despair, love will easily rise into a natural dance of revitalizing reciprocity, support, and bliss.
You can allow this transcendence to happen, when you create it within yourself.
That inner void can only be filled when you start to validate, accept, and embrace who YOU are.
It is only then that okayness and goodness and solidity from the self, will transform into newfound abundance, from another human being.
You deserve this kind of love. From yourself, and from another.
There is no right or wrong timeline for when it will happen.
You are right where you are supposed to be.
As long as you don’t chase it, it will come to you.
Whether you're single or taken, I wish you as the reader:
Happy Valentine’s Day. Fill it with abundant, precious, and gracious love. <3